About the Blog

Many may wonder why after 20 years, I have chosen to share something so personal and that happened so long ago. I am sharing this because at the time I felt very alone and if these words would help someone else not feel so alone then that's worth my opening up about this time of my life. I also want to document these events and thoughts for my own two sons so that they have an account of why their Mom was so adamant that they always know how much I loved them. I also share this as a therapeutic release for myself on this twentieth anniversary.

This blog will not likely be an ongoing dialogue, but it may take me a year to share all that I experienced and how I processed the impact of this event for years to come. It still affects how I live my life today and will always shape the way I see the world.

I don't share these stories to ask for sympathy or for anyone to feel sorry for me. Sometimes life sucks and is hard and everyone experiences that in life. I don't feel my life has been any worse or any different that anyone else's. I do ask for prayers, not for myself specifically, but for all those dealing with the loss of loved ones. Pray that they may find the courage and strength to allow themselves to grieve for their loss and continue to live a life full of love and happiness as time passes by.

I was not a perfect daughter, sister, friend, or girlfriend at any point in my life much less during one of the most difficult times. I do not believe the way I grieved and reacted to these events is the right way. I do not believe there is a right or wrong way to grieve. This is the path I took and everyone must find their own path. I did what I thought at the time was best for me and it wasn't always what was best for those around me. That's what my siblings did too and eventually we all came out on the other side of the grief to live full and successful lives.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Sunday of Spring Break 95

We drove down to Florida in a rented van.  I knew my Mom was going all out if we were renting a minivan!  I worked on homework on the way down and wrote to Andy about where we ate, how much homework I got done, and how much I missed him.  I told him how being apart for the week was going to show us both how much we meant to each other. I know very corny, so typical 17 year old high school love stuff.

Sunday -- journal entry to Andy
We're here and this is awesome!  Our hotel is huge. We have our own balcony.  We're on the 5th floor.  The bathroom has a built in blow dryer and there is a phone next to the toilet.  I have a picture of the hotel to show you.  Right now it is 5:00 PM and I'm sitting out on the balcony, which overlooks a 25 acre lake.  I'm impressed! Mom picked a good place to stay. Everyone else went swimming.  I'm tired and it's too late to get a tan so I just stayed here.

We were staying at the Beach Club Resort and I have a postcard of it in my journal.  I was a little extra excited to be staying in this resort because there was a series on Disney Channel about the staff at the Beach Club starring Keri Russell, and it was one of my favorite after school shows.  You can tell I was selfish 17 year old teenager, more worried about her tan than being with her family, but I really was impressed by the bathroom!
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