About the Blog

Many may wonder why after 20 years, I have chosen to share something so personal and that happened so long ago. I am sharing this because at the time I felt very alone and if these words would help someone else not feel so alone then that's worth my opening up about this time of my life. I also want to document these events and thoughts for my own two sons so that they have an account of why their Mom was so adamant that they always know how much I loved them. I also share this as a therapeutic release for myself on this twentieth anniversary.

This blog will not likely be an ongoing dialogue, but it may take me a year to share all that I experienced and how I processed the impact of this event for years to come. It still affects how I live my life today and will always shape the way I see the world.

I don't share these stories to ask for sympathy or for anyone to feel sorry for me. Sometimes life sucks and is hard and everyone experiences that in life. I don't feel my life has been any worse or any different that anyone else's. I do ask for prayers, not for myself specifically, but for all those dealing with the loss of loved ones. Pray that they may find the courage and strength to allow themselves to grieve for their loss and continue to live a life full of love and happiness as time passes by.

I was not a perfect daughter, sister, friend, or girlfriend at any point in my life much less during one of the most difficult times. I do not believe the way I grieved and reacted to these events is the right way. I do not believe there is a right or wrong way to grieve. This is the path I took and everyone must find their own path. I did what I thought at the time was best for me and it wasn't always what was best for those around me. That's what my siblings did too and eventually we all came out on the other side of the grief to live full and successful lives.

Thursday, December 3, 2015

Family Vacation 20 Years Later

20  years ago my mother worked so hard to plan the perfect family vacation for us.  Remember we had not been on one for 10 years and even then my siblings had no memories of the prior vacation due to being too young.  The perfect vacation to Disney World she had planned was tragically cut short by my mother's death.  As we approached the 20th anniversary of her death, we decided it was time to give my mother that vacation she had dreamed of.

My family of 4, my sister, my brother and his family of 4, as well as my dad and his wife will be spending next week in Disney World.  We will be staying at a Disney resort and enjoying everything this magical place has to offer during the holidays.  My brother went back to Disney with the marching band when he was in high school.  I have been three times in the last 4 years, but my sister and dad have not returned since our last trip with Mom.  

I'm sure there will be a few tears, but I'm even more positive that there will be lots of laughter, smiles, and wonderful memories made just like my Mom had hoped 20 years ago.  She will get to watch from heaven as her children and grandchildren have that memorable vacation that she wanted for us so long ago.  She will get to witness the look on my Dad's face as he see his granddaughters meet the Mickey and Minnie for the first time.  She will get to see the incredible excitement her grandsons will have showing their cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents their favorite snack, ride, or show.  She will get to see her children have a true family vacation together.  

My siblings and Dad have not been on a vacation together in 20 years but it's never too late.  We are all in our 30s now and I just feel like we owe it to ourselves and to our Mom to create the family vacation memories that we never had.  We are blessed that we are all in good health, were able to coordinate schedules, and pull together the resources to be able to do this together.  

I will be honest now that our departure is tomorrow and as I'm writing this blog, I'm starting to feel a little nervous.  Will this trip be a happy one or is there a chance that something horrible could happen again?  Are we crazy to try to do this again and to return to this place to do it?  In reality there is always a chance that something bad will happen, but we can't live life waiting for the other shoe to drop.  We have to take the chance because what if everything goes wonderfully. How could we deprive ourselves of the memories and experiences that could be?

So with that in mind we will travel to Disney World next week to remember and honor my Mom and to hopefully have a wonderful family vacation. I pray that we have safe travels and that our trip is one that results in many magical, happy memories.  
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