This is where my journal entries to Andy stop, because I was home now. Before I had left for our trip Andy had given me a couple of roses with a card that said "Have a great trip!". My aunt had gone in to our house to make sure it was ready for us to return and had watered my roses and they were still looking perfect. I remember that meaning the world to me at the time. I found the card from these flowers last week, in a box of keepsakes, it brought tears to my eyes 20 years later.
My Dad's side of the family was there to meet us when we got home and my aunt Gayle started teaching my sister and I how to do laundry right away. My mom had taught me many things, but she also had taken care of lots of things for me. I didn't have assigned chores growing up and I was always told that as long as I stayed busy with activities I didn't have to get a job. My mom had always said, I had my whole life to work so I should just wait to start until I had too. I had babysitting jobs growing up but nothing regular. I assume looking back that my mom had many chores growing up on her family dairy farm and maybe she felt those chores kept her from doing things she had wanted. I have no idea if this is true or not, but it's possible. I always assumed that's why she took care of so much of these things for us instead of spreading out the work.
I had no idea how to do laundry, and unbeknownst to me, my Mom did the laundry the hard way. She listened and knew when in the cycle to go in and add the liquid softener and she dried everything on the clothes line and ironed it all. My mom was a stay at home mom who sold Mary Kay, cleaned our dance studio, cleaned for her father once a week, and babysat my cousins a few days a week. So she was a busy woman and I will tell you that I frequently remember our clean clothes piled in baskets in the dining room. I would yell down from upstairs each morning what I wanted to wear and she would iron it in time for me to go to school. My mom didn't keep a perfect house. Dishes were frequently sitting on the counter. We didn't live in filth mind you, everything was clean just not always put away. But I also never remember my Mom not being available to talk, help me with something, or even just to sit and watch TV with me. She didn't let her chores/duties keep her from spending time with us. I loved that about her.
I had been home maybe a few hours and now the fact that the housekeeping duties were now going to fall to my Dad and the three of us was becoming very real. My aunt explained that I needed to start using a Downey ball for the softener and I needed to dry the clothes in the dryer so they wouldn't need to be ironed. Well, I felt bad about doing it differently. I felt like I was saying to my Mom that her way was not right. I was not comfortable with that, but I also understood that the four of us were all going to be at work and school and we were going to have to find a faster way, so this was going to be it. It didn't remove the guilt I felt though for changing it up. Looking back it seems silly that I would feel guilt regarding how I did the laundry, but at the time I just felt everything so much deeper than I ever had before and in the weeks and months to come I just craved normalcy, even in the most simple things. I wanted my jeans to be stiff and smell of outside just so that they felt "normal".
On a side note, my boys are 6 and 7 years old and they have laundry duties many weekends. They have been taught how to sort it, load it into the washer, move it to the dryer, add a dryer sheet, and start the dryer. They aren't allowed to add detergent and they don't fold or put it away yet, but they will get there. I do this because one day they may be faced with this responsibility and I feel like doing it now will make it not seem so different for them. I also believe it will make them better husbands, because I love it when Andy helps with the laundry. I realize this seems silly and if my guys are ever faced to live without me knowing how to do laundry won't really make things seem normal, but it makes me feel like I'm doing all I can do to prepare them in even the smallest of ways.
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