We got home on Thursday or Friday I'm not sure which and I believe the showing/funeral was on Monday/Tuesday. In the days leading up to that our house was filled with people and it was a great distraction. My friends came over just to hang out. We didn't necessarily talk much about what had happened. I'll be honest I don't remember what we talked about, but I remember them being there. My sister had her friends there as well. My brother being in 6th grade didn't have anyone at the house with him, so I remember talking to my Dad and he and I figured out who might be comfortable coming over to play and made some phone calls. We got a few of Nathan's friends there as well. Our house was never the place to hang out. We each had friends over around our birthday growing up and Nathan had friends over more frequently but never would a group gather at our house. It wasn't normal, but during this time it was perfect. I think our friends didn't know how to help but being with us just playing and hanging out was helping a lot. Our house at this time was not filled with tears and sadness, but with laughter and the sharing of memories. It was just what we needed.
I remember Mrs. Palmer, our band director, and some other band boosters coming over and bringing bags of chips and food to help feed everyone now gathering at our house. I remember someone anonymously had 10 pizzas delivered to house one evening for supper. I knew we were a family with many wonderful friends and family, but I remember being amazed at the love and support we were being shown.
Andy got home a day later than we did and he came over straight from the airport. His Dad and a friend Dub were with him. I remember it being dark and I met Andy on the patio outside. We just hugged and cried and I don't remember what if anything that was said. It was late and he didn't stay but he came over even if just for a few minutes. I was touched that his dad and friend and driven out of the way to bring him over and I was glad Andy was home.
My dad was great about allowing the three of us to help plan Mom's funeral as much as we could. I remember we picked out a casket that was teal and had gold sea shell like decorations on it where it connected to the handles. It reminded me of the beach and ocean and since she had died in Florida it seemed very fitting. Sister Leta came over to help us plan the mass. My dad was not Catholic so he didn't have any real strong feelings for this part except he wanted the priest that had married them to be present if possible. Sister Leta made it happen. Dena and I chose our friends Holly and Jamie to do the readings. We also picked the songs, I remember that Gentle Woman was one of the songs sung and I still get emotional every time I hear this song at church. The pall bearers were a combination of friends and family. My friend Sean was able to do it, my cousin Justin, our family friend Frank, as well as some of Mom's cousins and Dad's friends. It felt very right have those so close to us involved in Mom's funeral, it was very comforting.
We also had to get Mom ready. I remember talking with my aunt Beth about what Mom would want to wear and she helped us pick out the right outfit and jewelry. We picked her fanciest dress that she had worn to her brother's wedding. Mom had part of her head shaved and my Dad wanted to make sure the wig and everything was styled just like mom would have had it. So he asked my aunt Nancy, who was a hairdresser to help with this part.
I wrote a eulogy which was sort of like a letter from myself, Dena, and Nathan to our mother. I remember sitting on my bed with my friend Jenni and she helped me pick just the right words. I have searched and searched for this eulogy over the last few weeks and have not been able to find it. I would love to read it and remember what we said as our final goodbye.
From my perspective now, I just notice how much we were asking of all of these people. We were asking teenagers to perform roles in funerals when some of them may have never even been to a funeral. I was asking my friends to help me write one of the most personal things I would ever write. We had asked my aunt to help with my mom's hair. How far outside of the comfort zone were we asking these people to go! At the time I looked at it as our way of showing these people how much they meant to us and how much we trusted them. At the time I think we were so far out of our comfort zone that we didn't even think about what we were asking. I will say that although these individuals might have been pretty nervous and very uncomfortable with what was being asked of them, they each rose to the occasion and were able to provide just what we needed. A funeral is never something anyone wants to plan or attend, but I saw this as one of my last ways to make sure that my mom's final farewell was a reflection of the classy, graceful, beautiful, generous, compassionate woman that we all saw and loved. Our friends and family were there for us in every way we needed and it meant more than any of them could realize.
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